by Sam Juliano
The following transcript was recorded on June 6 at the Paradise Falls Community Center in Heaven’s Gate, Seraphsville, and transmitted via satellite.
Sam: It’s been a long time, my friend. I reckon it may be a year since we last spoke.
Allan: Let me tell you straight away, Sam, that things are not as easy up here as you think. It’s a place where everyone has their own celestial schedule and activities to which they are partial. Think of it as our version of Shangri-La. By the way, speaking of that James Hilton property, up here, they think that the wretched 1973 musical produced by Ross Hunter is a far better movie than Frank Capra’s 1937 original. They treat the song “The World is a Circle” as another “Over the Rainbow” and think Liv Ullman and Bobby Van are among the best singer-dancers ever.
Sam: Well, Allan, that film’s reputation has vastly improved. It has developed a strong cult following.
Allan: Don’t talk to me about cults. If they gave me a choice to return to Earth or stay here, I wouldn’t think twice. What is wrong with the people in your country? Up here, they just shake their heads. When I was still in Kendal, in the land of the living, I told you that Trump would return your country to the Civil War era. The man brought hatred into vogue again. And even after his conviction the other day, the political experts here think he has an excellent chance to win again.
Sam: Yes indeed, my friend. The polls here show a close race, but Trump is still narrowly ahead in the battleground states that will decide the election.
Allan: The fact that it is close tells us all we need to know about your country, but let’s not waste our time talking about that con man.
Sam: Allan, I remember you once called him a cretin.
Allan: Such language is not permitted up here. I have learned to paint so much in a positive light, but it kills me to do it.
Sam: (laughs) I’m sure you haven’t completely lost your saucy humor.
Allan: You could say that.
Sam: To this day, I have never stopped snickering when I remember what you said about Driving Miss Daisy, A Separate Peace, and Brother Sun Sister Moon. Your takedowns were classic.  (more…)
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