Allan Fish (1973-2016) The darkest day at Wonders in the Dark
August 29, 2016 by wondersinthedark
Today is truly one of the darkest days of our lives. We lost our British friend Allan Fish after his long battle with cancer. Allan was just 43 years old. We met online in 2005 after an e bay transaction and the rest as they say is history. Movie lovers, we connected immediately, and Allan and I spoke practically every single day for eleven years. He and I co-founded the blogsite WONDERS IN THE DARK, where we both wrote film and arts reviews over that long interval. Allan visited our home twice in 2008 and 2009 staying both times for almost a month. He grew very close with my wife and all the kids, particularly my eldest daughter Melanie, who became a soul mate of his and vice versa. We spent two weeks in 2013 in London at at his Kendal, U.K. home, enjoying the most incrible time of our lives with his saintly mum Sue Fish, beautiful Aunt Anne Cafferkey, family friends Martyn Roberts and Gianmarco Tremble, cat Suki and all the ducks of Kendal, who grandly benefited by Allan’s generous spirit. Indeed many around the world received gifts from Allan, a mercenary of the cinema who regularly incurred shipping expences sending out the film rarities he regularly acquired. He was an incredible talent, and the world will see the staggering fruits of his labor when his massive film tome is published. He was the greatest writer I have ever known, and the most passionate adherent of the movies. As a friend we had our share of quibbles -our world views were disperate, but there was a mutual love crossing the Atlantic – a deep and abiding concern for each of our well beings – indeed Allan this past week said some of the most beautiful things anyone has ever done about my family, and how much we meant to him. A friend like this is a once in a lifetime experience. Till the end of our own days we will have you with us every minute, every day, suffusing our thoughts, our memories and the very essence of our being. Dear Allan, you will never know just how much we loved you, and how our lives will never be the same, and how that meaning has been compromised with your untimely departure. You impacted so many lives, meant so much to so many, and left an incomparable legacy for the human race. I simply can’t imagine the world without you beloved friend. I cannot accept your departure. With every drop of blood in our veins we love you and will for all-time.
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Wonders in the Dark is a blog dedicated to the arts, especially film, theatre and music. An open forum is highly encouraged, as the site proctors are usually ready and able to engage with ongoing conversation.
Dear Sam and Family,
We’re so sorry that the vital bond with Allan has ended with cruel brevity. His magnificent commitment to the riches of film is, I think, a most powerful means of enduring a terrible moment.
You and your family have been so supportive throughout with Allan and his family. Who could ask for more than what you have provided with your warm friendship.
Our thoughts are with you and Allan’s family.
Ah, Jim and Valerie, those are exceedingly compssionate words and I thank you for them from the bottom of my heart. Allan’s saintly mum will must appreciate your moving testament too.
Sam, my condolences to you and your family and especially to Allan’s Mum and family. He was way too young to have left this world. His talent and knowledge of world cinema is also a great loss, but of course, most important is the loss of a loved one. Dorothy and my thoughts are with Allan’s and your family.
Everything you say here is so true and so affecting John. Allan’s mum will see your lovely comment. Thank you my friend.
Though I did converse with him on the phone, I never met him face to face—a trip was planned, but alas it was to be about a year in the future—but I felt closer to him than a good many friends I have had the pleasure in actually meeting and knowing for several years. He was of course a film scholar like no other, I could live several lifetimes and never meet anyone with his scope and appreciation of the medium. He was remarkably open to everything; no genre, era, region or content was neglected by his appreciation and understanding (I spoke more to this when I penned a plea to the ether when he was initially diagnoses here https://attractivevariance.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/one-for-allan/).
The story I most readily had when I heard the devastating news, was both funny and showed the uniqueness to which our relationship blossomed within;
I recall once conversing with him about Kubrick’s Lolita, a film he (correctly) had little use for, and as the conversation unfurled we discovered that we both appreciated the Lyne 1997 version more. It’s no masterpiece, but the stylishness of Lyne’s advertising aesthetic couches the manic sexuality of the work bizarrely appropriately. Plus, it seems to somewhat match all the flourishes in Nabokov’s prose. As we moved in the conversation, I recalled something along the lines that the Kink’s ‘Art Lover’ (from their underrated 1981 Give the People What They Want) approached more depravity in three-and-a-half minutes than Kubrick did in 2 hours and 32 minutes. Though the song ends up being about a father who has lost custody of his daughter and is watching girls in the park to ease is sadness, Davies does have a blast playing with some pedophile imagery while having the narrator claim, “I’m an art lover, not a dirty old man”. Allan and I, with our penchant for extreme or delirious cinema then starting joking that we were, in fact, ‘art lovers’, rather than two adult men exchanging forgotten art films (filled with smut) through the mail. It was a thing we’d return too, anytime one of us was on the lookout for something off the beaten path and needed to double our efforts (just recently, 1966’s Aroused, an obscure gem of nudie meets noir was discovered, for example). It always made us laugh, and still makes me right now. I put the album on as I’m writing this right now, and was happy to find that the album ends with what I think to be the greatest ‘lost’ Kinks song, ‘Better Things’. It’s a track I played incessantly when I was crippled with depression for several years some time ago, the promises of the song, Here’s hoping all the days ahead / Won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you. / Be an optimist instead, / And somehow happiness will find you. / Forget what happened yesterday, / I know that better things are on the way. always urging me through, the melody easing my daily suffering. It always worked, so I started the song today, and found, for the first time, nothing but a terrible lie. Hypocrisy rings from the beauty, as I know, for maybe just this single time with this song, that there is no getting over this grief from this loss. There are no easy outs when we lose friends like this.
I can (and hope to) never imagine the pain and unbearable mental duress cancer extols on one; you fight for your life while the treatment ravages your body and the constant creeping thought of death rips your psychological state to pieces. I can only lament the world to which Allan gave me so much within; and that it is considerably less meaningful and interesting with him now not in it. Many will say that he’s in a better place now, free of all the pain I spoke of earlier in this paragraph. But I can’t help but finish this with a film quote (as he’d have wanted), from Lonnie Bannon, upon putting his grandfather Homer into the ground in 1963’s Hud:
I don’t think so. Not unless dirt is a better place than air.
I’ll return to him every time I see a film that’s masterful and one that most film buffs wouldn’t bother with. Thinking of him in the films is how he’d have wanted it, his impression as lasting and powerful as the flicker images he so helped preserve and bring to light.
RIP. An unbearable sadness cloaks.
Your overwhelming testimonial to Allan is actually cheapened by my coming in to respond, but I think we are both right now in shock and deep grief my friend. This is a staggering look at Allan, your personal relationship with him and his incomparable talent. Also to how he will continue to mean so much for the rest of your life. So beautiful.
I did not know Allan as long as many of you, two or three years, perhaps. But in that time, I came to consider him a friend. He was one of the most generous of spirit when it came to sharing not only copies of material, but time spent discussing film and television. He was always willing to hunt down a copy of something, or point me in the right direction. A wonderful writer and intellect, and a great friend, He will be missed.
Adam, I know you made up for lost time over the last year and a half or so, and I also know Allan greatly enjoyed his online engagements with you. Your words are so achingly true my friend.
I read Allan Fish’s wonderful reviews since the time the first one appeared in 2007 or so. He was an amazing talent. I will always fondly recall the cinematic battles and high drama that surrounded his and sam’s contributions. He was a larger than life kind of person I will say that. R.I.P.
Frank, you go back to the very beginning with Allan indeed, and I know you’ve commented favorably on so many of his reviews. Yes Allan was indeed larger than life. Thank you my great friend.
I am absolutely devastated by this news.
I froze in my tracks the moment I heard.
In all my years of life, I have never known a soul guite like my friend, Allan Fish.
Cantankerous, opinionated to the point of night-sweats, all-knowing, it was difficult to speak with him without getting into a full blown argument. However, just as you thought you were winning, he’d stop, take a breath and then ask me to think about what I was saying and compare it to what he stated or had written.
Silence.
Then, clearing my throat…
Sheepishly speaking into the receiver, I’d surrender.
He always made me see things in a different, DEEPER way.
Like many here, I had never actually shared a room with this man. My relationship was distant, through phone conversations mostly. We spoke regularly and long (usually 2 to 3 hours at a clip), about a wealth of subjects, and each verbal visit often ended with me in scholarly bliss.
His eyes was all seeing, he didn’t miss a fuckin trick. His passion for film and the arts was so inspiring that it moved me to territories I never dreamed I’d visit. His writing, he was the master of the three-paragraph review, always acts as the template for where I want my own writing to, eventually, go.
But, beyond all the professional and critical aspects of my friend, he was also a human being of deep wants and desires, of complicated feelings and emotions. He had regrets, as we all do, but he tended to put them to the side in lieu of things he wanted to tackle and accomplish (his book being the big brass ring), and the love he had for his Mum, his friends and extended family.
Allan could drive a person mad. His opinions were like cement and he rarely ever wavered from them. But, when you think of all the people that walk through life with their heads turning towards this or that influence or suggestion, it makes you realize how rare, how singular, how wonderful a rock like Allan was.
He taught me so much. His wit cracked me up to the point of tears. I loved fighting with him because every battle yielded so mugh that I never considered.
He was one of my greatest teachers.
He is a friend I’ll never forget.
I love him very much.
A towering comment here from you Dennis. You say so much and all in behalf of Allan, whom you engaged with many times over the years. Who will ever forget your interaction with him on Game of Thrones to give just one example. So beautiful.
So sorry to hear this terrible news. I only met Allan once, in London together with you and your family, Sam. That was a great day which I will always remember. Like many others, I learned so much from his reviews – from the ongoing book that was his life’s work – and discovered all kinds of films that I never would have known of otherwise. Thinking of Allan’s family today and also of you and your family, Sam.
Judy, we will always cherish that meeting we had with you on that lovely summer afternoon in London three years ago. Everything you say here is so achingly true and so deeply moving. His family will see your beautiful comment here. Thank you my great friend.
My Heart goes out to you and your family and Allan’s as well! Sending (((Hugs & Healing))
Thank you my great friend Jeff. Your eternal compassion is deeply appreciated my friend.
Sam, I am so sorry for your loss. You need to remember all the great conversations and your shared love of film. Hopefully it will give you some comfort knowing he is no longer in pain, in a place of light, life and love.
John my lifelong friend, I can never thank you enough for this deeply moving advice and burst of compassion.
Oh Sammy, I’m so sorry for your loss. What you said above was so touching it just made me cry. I can feel how hard a blow this was, and am very sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace and give you and anyone he touched, continued peace in dealing with his passing. Freakin cancer.
Danna, you have me tearing up here with this lovingly compassionate comment. I deeply appreciate it my great friend.
I am happy that I got to be with Allan several times when he was visiting you. He was a character. His film knowledge was second to none. He will be missed.
You did indeed Angelo – on two occasions to boot. We had some great times with him you and I.
So very sorry for you Sammy. God knows just how much you have gone through this past year. May God’s light shine on him and your family. You are a good friend and it hurts me to see you hurting so much. RIP Allan.
Ron, your comment here has brought me to tears. Thanks so very much my friend.
Wow. So sorry Sam, I know Allan was very very close to you. He was really a hoot. Here is my favorite Allan moment. At first he thought it was hilarious — then it got really annoying! Rest in Peace Allan.
Peter, thank you so much for your injection of humor at this terribly tragic time. I do know you always respected Allan greatly.
So very sorry Sammy to read about the passing of your dear friend Allan Fish. He seemed like an incredible man and you just told us an incredible story !! ….
Indeed Maureen. Thanks for the beautiful words my friend.
Truly sorry to hear the news, Sammy. May Alan rest in peace.
Thanks do much Robert my great friend.
Such a devastating piece of news, Sam. All sympathies from Pam and myself to you and the rest of the family over your great loss. Dark days indeed.
None could be as devastating John, when we consider his age, his passionate engagement and the level of frienship. As always you extend yourself lovingly, and thanks so much to you and Pam for this kind of compassion my great friend.
Terrible news. Allan’s film writings were unparalleled in their incisiveness and insight, and I have to admit, I marveled at the breadth of film work he had seen and evaluated. I envy you, Sammy, and the others who got to know him better than some of us at WITD. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone, online or off, whose respect I wanted more. I probably never got it (he was usually dismissive of my input), but he never lost mine. I feel for you and your family–this has been an unusually tough year for you guys with this kind of bad news. Just know we’re all thinking of you, and of Allan.
Dean, this is one of the most frank and beautiful comments of them all. be rest assured Allan greatly respected your writing talent and told me more than once that some of your essays were superbly crafted. Thank you exceedingly my friend.
Oh, God, no!
Exactly Mark, words are very difficult to come by at this unconscionable time. Today has been so surreal.
Allan was such a great archaeologist of film (even better than the great Rosenbaum, perhaps), unearthing gems I never knew existed. I’m pretty sure he thought I had square taste in movies. His book will be in my archives the moment it’s published.
Yes in the sense you specify here Mark, Allan is GREATER than Rosenbaum. There has in all probability never been such a passionate adherent of the cinema not as dogged a sleuth as Allan, and how blessed we all are to have known him so well.
It’s still hard to come to terms with Allan’s passing. I assumed I would one day meet him, when he next travelled to the east coast to visit Sam and his family. It would of been a blast to converse about films for any length of time with him. Like many here, I knew about his illness, and was optimistic that at his age he could recover and live a longer life. I also knew about the precarious nature of his setback these last few weeks. I hoped for a miracle, but alas, those don’t usually happen outside of the movies. I will now have to make due (memory-wise) with my correspondences with him on both this blog, and in private emails with a few other site regulars. It’s a void hard to grasp. An incompleteness that can only be described as tragically premature.
I guess the best way to remember him now, is with the prolific writing he left us with, for these last 8-9 years on this site. His entries were constant and always in the service of highlighting neglected films. What I liked most about Allan’s work on WITD, is that while he hated many movies (and could really tear into them with abandon), he rarely wrote negative reviews about films he found disappointing or dreadful on this site. He was always more interested in building up worthy works of art, then trashing irredeemable ones. And when he did write about important works that he found troubling thematically and/or philosophically, he usually choose to focus on what made those films worthy of attention more than succumbing to snide dismissals. His pieces always took the high road and stayed positive.
I’m not sure how to end this comment. Like his life, and most of ours, there is no neat conclusion that can sum everything up and make sense of what has transpired. I knew him through the cloud, and there he will happily reside as long as I live. Thankfully, it was worth all the time, effort, and typing I put into it.
Maurizio, this is one of the most beautiful, moving and heartfelt commentaries you have ever made – it glows with perceptive remembrance of Allan and how his influence will continue eternally. His legacy of course is his massive work, that dwarfs all others and his personal connection will be cherished forever. Having you here at the site is another blessing for us all.
When I think about Allan, Eros + Massacre comes to mind. I had never even heard of this film when he placed it at the top of his list of the best of the 1960s during his decades countdown. He later posted a list of the top 3,000 films of all-time and Eros + Massacre held the top spot. I finally tracked down a bootleg copy on eBay and found the film to be both remarkable and difficult. Since then, I’ve watched it on the recent blu-ray release and have to concur that it is indeed one of the greatest of all films. The world just isn’t going to be the same without Allan poking about the nooks and crannies of world cinema and sharing his discoveries with us. His dedication and discernment for cinema as art was second to none and he fought tirelessly trying to make us see why some films matter more than others.
Duane, there could be no better example of Allan’s unearthing masterpieces that had yet to be discovered than citing his beloved EROS, and the director of it, Allan’s personal favorite in all of Japanese cinema, though over the lasg year of his life or so Allan thought the top spot was a tire between the aforementioned Yoshida and Ozu. No the film world will never recoved from his loss, though at this site and elsewhere he will be eternally referenced and celebrated. His legacy will be passed down to others when his incomparable tome is released. Thank you so much my friend.
A tremendous loss to all of us, and most especially to those of you who loved him and had the privelege of his friendship.
My condolences to all his friends and to his family.
I never met Allan. In all honesty, he intimidated the living hell out of me on this site with his vast, scholarly knowledge of film, his brilliant prose and his emphatic, uncompromising opinions. But I had enormous respect for him. Few, if any, could so completely capture the essence and power of a film in so few, perfectly chosen words. He was true artis and a bold thinker. He will be greatly missed.
Pat, this is a spectacular comment that sizes up Allan, his writing and his influence perfectly. When it came to word economy he had no equal, and nowhere could there be found a more passionate mercenary of the cinema. Thank you my great friend.
I’m so shocked to hear this news, Sam, what a terrible loss at 43. My deepest condolences to his mother and the rest of his family, they must be devastated. I’m sorry Al and I never actually met, considering how close we lived but we regularly exchanged e-mails and I saw versions of his chapters in progress. He described his book recently as his cinematic testament but I couldn’t bring myself to believe he wouldn’t be adding to it in future. I’ve never come across a writer who had seen such an enormous range of world cinema and whose views I agreed with so often (OK there were a few I didn’t dare tell him I didn’t like, I even found one or two films he hadn’t heard of). He had strong opinions, sure, but backed up by his extraordinary breadth of film and TV viewing, and above all by passion. He was immensely generous sharing rare films with me and his encyclopaedic knowledge right from when I first contacted him through this site back in 2012. I will consult his film lists and book for years to come. He’ll be missed hugely.
I’m so shocked to hear this news, Sam, what a terrible loss at 43. My thoughts go out to his mother and the rest of his family. Al was incredibly generous to me from the time I first contacted him through this site back in 2012, sharing some great rare films but also his immense knowledge of film. He recenty described his book as his cinematic testament and I refused to believe he wouldn’t be continuing to add to it in future. I hope it reaches the audience it deserves, I’ll miss him hugely.
James, I know what a great friend he was to you and vice versa. He always had glowing words for you. Sadly you and I are sharing this terrible heartbreal now. His book will be appreciated by so very many.
The book will be one of many lasting monuments he leaves behind. I shan’t forget him.
I almost never leave comments at any of the various websites I frequent, and this one has been no exception despite the fact that I’ve been reading since Allan’s early decade countdowns. I had discovered the Sight and Sound polls and TSPNDT and Criterion before stumbling on WitD, so this wasn’t my introduction to foreign and art film, but Allan’s short, insightful reviews did considerably more for my burgeoning film snobbery than any list ever could. I don’t know that I would have sought out stuff like Contempt and Heaven’s Gate without him.
And then, about 7 years ago, I got sick, and, between treatment and recovery, I spent the better part of a year doing almost nothing. I mostly watched movies, upwards of 5 per day. I would find movies on TCM or elsewhere and then I would check Allan’s lists to see if they were worth watching. Allan (and everyone else at WitD, really) helped me through the most difficult period of my life. I wish I could’ve returned the favor. I never met him or even conversed with him, but this is a sad day for me. I can’t imagine how you all must feel.
Isaac, this is of course the very first time we have read you here at the site, and I must say you have written a deeply moving tribute to Allan, to the site and to the power of movies as projected by the master perfectionist himself. I am sorry to hear of your own illness, but just as relieved that you have recovered to continue your love of the movies. You have returned the favor my friend! In spades! Your glowing tribute to Allan hear speaks volumes.
Sam — There are no words. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Thank you so very much Laurie my very dear friend.
This is such terrible news Sam. I’m very sad to hear this as he meant so much to all of us in one way or another. I often didn’t see eye to eye on certain facets, but Lord knows I learned a lot from him and his writing. We have lost a real genius and super talented guy.
Beautifully said my friend. Allan is irreplaceable.
Awful news. I never knew or corresponded with Allan in any way, but I always enjoyed reading his reviews on this site–and it has been several years that I have been reading this site, I realize now. Allan’s knowledge of obscure cinema from around the world was unparalleled, and I appreciated how catholic his tastes were. I will certainly continue to use his Top 3000 Films of All Time list to explore movies for myself for years to come. This is a tragic loss, and know that I will be praying for your family, Sam. Rest in peace, Allan.
Thank you so very much for your exceedingly kind words my friend. Your wonderful contributions to this site have been deeply appreciated.
I never met Allan. We never spoke on the telephone. Yet I have a tearing grief. And regrets. Regret for our troubled history. Regret for the lost opportunities for reconciliation. And anger that he was taken so young and before he saw his book published.
Allan was generous and sincere. Look around and see how few people you can say that about. He could also be maddeningly obdurate and arrogant. He was not perfect. None of us are. But always a perfectionist.
His passion was his redemption. A kind of courage. To give yourself totally to something and live and breathe it. He has left a massive legacy. A body of work so wide-ranging and deep you wonder at the commitment it took even before he put pen to paper.
And finally the courage to face death. May he rest in peace.
Tony, you have written a statement that is so deeply moving that you had me in tears. I know you have always regretted that aspect of your relationship with Allan, though I do know over the last several months when his illness began to ravage him, he spoke glowingly about you when I informed him numerous times that you were asking about him. When you point to his passion as the most powerful part of his persona you hit the bullseye. And yes his legacy -still to be properly discovered and appreciated but it will be without any doubt- is a massive one, one he fashioned but dedicating his life to it on a daily basis. He was indeed so courageous right up until the end. And he was generous to a fault.
Sam, I am at a loss for words. Devastated and sad. I had emailed Allan and mentioned I hoped he would beat the cancer. He replied that there was no chance and said he could only prolong things. I didn’t think the time would be this less. This is a huge loss that won’t be replaced. Truly appreciate all his work for this site, including reviews of rare films that he helped shed a light on. A true champion for cinema. No one like him.
Sachin, I have long known how much you have appreciated Allan’s genius, and in return Allan did appreciate you immensely. Any comment about you was always of the highest regard. Like you we are all indescribably devastated and shocked at how little time he had, even while routinely speaking to him many times during each day leading up to this awaful finale. Yes it is an irreplaceable loss, this is Fact #1. In stone. Thank you exceedingly my friend.
This is really heartbreaking. I didn’t have much direct interaction with Allan, but he was integral to this blog, which I value immensely, and it’s amazing sometimes how deeply people I know only through the internet can affect you. He was a genuine expert in film – knew as much and had seen as much as anyone I know – and could express his knowledge as well as anyone.His reviews have a way of being definitive – right to the point, tell you what’s there and what he thinks it’s worth – they make just about the perfect reference material if you want to know about any given film. I will miss him, and will keep returning to his writing when I need to find out about something as long as it’s around.
As always Stephen, you write with lyrical precision and emotional fortitude. This site has benefitted from your involvement exceedingly, and I know just how much you appreciated Allan’s cinematic genius. Yes he will be missed on a level impossible to gauge, but his massive legacy will have him speaking forever, influencing countless cinephiles. Many thanks to you for your deeply cherish friendship. Allan BTW was quite fond of your own writing as per comments he had made to me.
Allan and Sam were perfectly matched, and they worked off each other to set the tone and temperament of this site. A film expert like him could never be replaced and I’m happy that a good chunk of his book is already published at WitD. I will avail myself of the reference many times over. Sam I know how close you and your family were to him and how this tragedy will affect you well into the future. My heart goes out to Allan’s mother and you and your entire family. The site name is so fitting today.
Peter, you have been here practically from the beginning, and I can never thank you enough for your friendship, support and positive energy. Your moving words about Allan, his family and those who knew him are truly magnificent my friend.
I can only muster up this tribute.
Thanks for the views and the words, Allan.
http://letterboxd.com/jaimegrijalba/list/all-time-top-3000-films-by-allan-fish-rip/
That is quite a beautiful tribute to him Jaimie!!
Truly a sad day. But let this glorious Wonders in the Dark…all of those scholarly reviews (and lights shone on some of the most obscure films many of us would’ve never known about had it not been for Allan or Sam)…and all these hearfelt recollections and stories of how Allan impacted others be his legacy.
I have nothing to add, only that I’ve always enjoyed reading what Allan had to say…and I’ve enjoyed reading what you all have had to say about him here.
We should all be so lucky to have people writing about us this way once we’re gone.
To Allan.
Thank you so much David for those well-observed and appreciable words. You have been one of the site stalwarts for years and a writer yourself of amazing skills. Yes Allan is receiving an overload of praise, but he has richly earned with his life’s dedication to the cinema.
I can’t exaggerate what Allan’s work meant to me when I discovered it six years ago. The decades countdowns and the surrounding discussions essentially defined an era of my life, online and even offline. In a way, though, his “Fish Obscuros” had an even more long-lasting, if subtle, effect. I discovered quite a few of my favorites purely through their inclusion in that series – and of course his generosity in helping me to actually watch those titles can’t be exaggerated either. And his work is a gift that keeps on giving, and will keep on giving. I’ll be first in line for his book as soon as it is made available.
I am still a bit shocked at this news, even though I knew it was probably coming sooner or later. My deepest condolences to Sam, his family, and to Allan’s mother (whom I never met, but whom I heard only the most wonderful things about). What an impact Allan had in his short life, on all of us here.
Joel, very very few people at this site and outside of it have celebrated Allan’s work as much and as exhaustively as you and the many tributes to him over the years are a living testament. You recognized his genius immediately and I won’t even forget the many marathon sessions you had categorizing his reviews in the site admininstration dashboard, most of which is still there superbly ordered on the sidebar. Yes Allan was extraordinarily generous -I’d say of all his best qualities that one is his greatest of all–and he was course a singular talent – the greatest capsule review writer on the planet. You will certainly get a copy of the book, that goes without saying. Thank you so much for everything my friend.
I’m so sorry to hear this terrible news. Wonders in the Dark will always hold a special place in my heart, and a big part of that is because of Allan’s film knowledge and amazingly concise, yet perfectly written reviews. His top 3,000 list is a marvel to behold. Thank you Allan, and Sam, for sharing your passion.
David, my great friend, you have me tearing up. The glowing words you express here for Allan are so true.
Sam I am so very sorry to hear about Allen your testimony to him is nothing short of elegant. I believe that you were meant to meet and the memories of making a difference in each of your lives is something that only you your family and he shared forever. Know that he rests in peace having known you!
Kathy your sentences here are so beautiful and so deeply moving. I can’t thank you enough my great friend.
Sam, Allan derided my love of Star Trek, but one of the lines from the Wrath of Khan seems most appropriate here. “He’s never truly gone as long as we remember him”. And I will always remember him as one of my best friends…
Indeed he is Marco, you two are the closest of friends without any doubt.
So sorry to hear this truly monumentally sad news about Allan Fish. He was indeed in a high end class of his own as far as worldwide film appreciation and expertly written, ultra-passionate cinematic coverage was concerned that’s for dang sure. I was lucky enough to view many of his epic online lists of yearly bests/favorites/essentials. And am so glad I let him know as much from time to time. And feel deeply honored that he thought enough of my comments to reply in kind. You’re definitely right, Sammy, about “greatest” being a perfect way to best describe his talents as a writer. All of which could just as easily be an even more accurate way to both explain and fully understand the impact his seriously committed cinematic heart & mind and never in doubt somewhere out in the dark widescreen-driven soul had on all those who were lucky enough to be everywhere that was anywhere in and/or around his here to there and all the way back Earthly vicinity.
John, this is really a magnificent testament to Allan. I didnt realize you knew him or his work, but you have in retrospect seen his posts on the film forums. Your eloquence and profundity are deeply appreciated my friend!
Sammy, not even one week, 2 close losses to you and your family. I do recall some pics of visits with Allan. How interesting and not surprising that you all became quick friends. To some, learning the friendship began via an Ebay transaction may think it odd; however, to me your outreach and support of others continues to amaze me. I am saddened by the loss of yet another person, gone too soon for sure. It begins to feel so true, that God has each of us “marked” for return. He obviously needs more Angels. I lost a Mom friend I made back when our youngest daughters started kindergarten and girl scouts. Only 54 and 4 children..one still early teens. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Regards to your family that came to know Mr. Fish so well.
Gina, it is hard to even reflect on the close losses we’ve had to endure dating back 18 months to the time we lost our beloved cousin Robert McCartney at 68 of a heart attack. Losing my young nephew, this week a beautiful cousin and now my soul mate Allan -a man I spoke to online or by phone nearly every day for 11 years–well it is just so pulvarizing and unconscionable. I really, really appreciate your concern and compassion, and yes you know the devastation it causes, what with you own heartbreaking experience. You are a gem my friend.
What a story! What a soul mate he was to you! How special a relationship you have to remember. Sending out our condolences to you.
Your lovely sentiments here are deeply appreciated Elaine. Many thanks my friend.
I was dreading this news but had been expecting it. I too met Allan via ebay and we hit it off as well, talking about old movies mostly. I always felt I could hold my own talking old Hollywood cinema with him, but he always blew me away with his vast foreign film knowledge. Sammy, you may not know this but I actually had a standing invite to visit him in England, but for one reason or another I never got around to making that trip. I regret it now.
Brian, I did indeed know you were great friends with him. In fact you met him online a short time before I did as Allan once explained to me. And I know he thought quite a bit of you and appreciated your terrific knowledge of the movies. Yes it was sad you didnt take the trip but really who could have known of this looming tragedy. We share the same aching heartache my friend.
So very sorry for this loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family at this most difficult time. Beautifully written Sammy.
Thank you so very much Michele my friend.
This is awful news. I am shocked.
My thoughts are with you, Sam.
Srikanth my friend, you were a very big favorite writer of Allan’s and I will never forget how much you appreciated his work with your glowing appraisals. Thank you so much for your compassionate words at this worst of times.
He was the most exhaustive, knowledgable, passionate, incredible film critic I have ever known. It will never be the same without him. I am truly truly sorry and my deep condolensces to you, Sam. You’ve been with him.
Oh, I guess he is now screening all the lost masterpieces up there.
MI
MI—-
Yes he was absolutely everything you say he is here, and I know just how much you appreciated his amazing, incomparable output, particularly of the Japanese cinema. No, it will never be the same without him. He’s been gone just two days and already we miss him terribly. I can’t imagine the world without him, I can’t……Your compassion my friend is deeply appreciated.
BTW Allan thought you were one of the greatest writers and most informed cinema lovers he ever knew. He told me that more than one!
Such terrible, shocking news Sam. Allan was an amazing writer, but even more amazing as one who had an encyclopedic knowledge of the cinema. To have lost him at that age is further reminder how unfair life is. My condolences to you and your family and to him mother who is going through the worst time possible.
Thanks so much Tim my friend. Your support and kind words at this site are always appreciated. What you say here is sad but telling of course. Allan’s mum is a living saint.
I’m very sorry to hear of Allan’s passing. My prayers are with both his family at home, and his family here at Wonders in the Dark. I’m a frequent visitor here, though I rarely post. This is one site that I constantly share with my fellow film friends, and will continue to do so in the future.
John, thanks so very much for this beautiful comment. As a WitD follower you know well whata force of nature Allan has been, and without him the site, indeed many of our lives will never be the same. Your future attendance here of course is deeply appreciated my friend.
I’ve been away and returning to the site, I’ve been reading the backlog.
My condolences to you Sam for both these deeply felt recent losses. And to Allan’s family.
Allan reminded me of Bernard Herrmann and Michael Powell.
With the first he shared a fiery, contrarian, obdurate, opinionated and cantankerous attitude that was delightful in a world of bland, mass produced wishy-washyness. A breath of bracing fresh air.
With Powell, it was his complete submergence into cinema, ‘A Life in Film’ was Powell’s autobiography, linking everything that happened in life to film. Allan was the embodiment of that ethos. Like a martial arts master, who gets up and does his ‘practice’ day in and day out, Allan lived film day in and day out. It’s something I admired him greatly for. And was in awe of.
When he decided to watch the old ‘Dr Who’ because I was so passionate about the 3 year Tom Baker, Hinchcliffe/Holmes era, he watched every single episode of the entire 26 year run!
I loved his essays for all the great films he loved and I loved the essays where he ripped up the trash, such as ‘Caligula’ – he would do it with a clinical wit that made me laugh out loud.
I always wanted to give back and I occasionally could find something from vintage TV that I would know that he would love, some celebrated ‘Play for Today’ and even better the 1978 ‘The Devils’ Crown’ miniseries that someone was capturing from a rare broadcast in France and uploading to a torrent site. The pleasure was of giving back a little something to a kindred film loving soul. Getting him to tick another of those lost classics he probably had a spread sheet for.
Now all that is left are the numerous essays into which he put his unique imprint, his personality and soul. Every time I read one, he’ll be there.
With the first he shared a fiery, contrarian, obdurate, opinionated and cantankerous attitude that was delightful in a world of bland, mass produced wishy-washyness. A breath of bracing fresh air.
God, this is so well said. I’ve always subconsciously thought it I suppose, but alas, you hit the nail so squarely on the head. Several have said that to deal with Allan’s aggressiveness is something of an ‘elephant in the room’. It’s strange, that is what drew me to him! I liked the abrasiveness, and while sometimes it could have relented, it was also in such stark contrast to the bending over backward niceness of our phony middle class world at large. I loved it, and understood it, saw much of the humor deep within it. Our favorite piece of comedy was Derek and Clive’s ‘This Bloke Came Up to Me’, which is essentially, “who you calling cunt, cunt!” which is so darkly hilarious and absurd and… English. Sound like anyone?
Truly magnificent Bobby. A treasure of a tribute to Allan! What you don’t mention here is a fact many will be quite marveled and moved by – you met Allan in person when we all got together at that Asian restaurant next to the hotel on our UK trip of 2013, and you exhibited remarkable chemistry with Allan in our marathon discussions. Just a time to cherish for the rest of our own lives. Aside from this great meeting I know well you have greatly appreciated Allan’s work from the very first time you set eyes on WitD. And you have also been hugely resilient over the years. Allan thought the world of you. Thanks a million friend!
For about a five year period I exchanged emails daily with Allan and Sam on all kinds of films and some or many of the people connected with those films. We were a kind of trio with Allan and I usually on opposite sides and Sam generously mediating (and moderating!) these often feisty, sometimes even unpleasant debates and of course adding his own valuable opinions as well. Allan was devoted to his lists and his ‘ordering’ of these works and he often found it hard to conceive of other ways of valuing or evaluating the same that led to conclusions radically different from his own. And so for a number of years the three of us would exchange notes on new or upcoming DVD releases, or sometimes argue about Sam’s prolific (an adjective indecently understated in this context..!) theater-going habits, I was on Sam’s side and Allan would quite often wonder why Sam couldn’t just collect more DVDs… but most of all we would be engaged in some sort of online combat sport discussing one director or the other whom he valued too much and I too little and vice versa and with Sam’s ever-generous soul always watching over us! I cannot say I was ever good friends with him even if I also met him a few times when he visited New Jersey and without planning it in advance we engaged in a sort of truce as we hung out in Sam’s house or caught a roadshow version of Che at the IFC. It might seem odd to admit to something less than friendship when one has been in constant touch for so long. But sometimes one is friendly with someone without offering the commitment that all true friendship depends on. Rather less of a friend (and person) than Sam I was always in that gray area with Allan. At some point I fell off the radar as certain personal reasons compelled me to follow this common love of ours with far less zeal and passion than I would have liked to. The emails too faded in the same sense. I and Sam kept up with each other erratically and yet regularly and even met once in a while but somehow the engagement with Allan vanished. Until one day I contacted him after learning about his illness and he responded in like. I was glad to have had that exchange with him. There are no real ends in life, only continuities and discontinuities and sometimes the latter become more important than the former. So no real ends but life itself ends. Sooner for some, later for others. Learning about his end and even before when I realized there wasn’t much hope for him I thought many times about the man who made all those lists obsessively for so many years and who wrote an encyclopedic guide to all the best films, one to rival any that a professional could put out, in fact better than most if not all (I once told him this). Allan always operated with the charming horror that there might be films in some past of some country that he didn’t know about or that he did know about but hadn’t seen. And so for years like a sleuth pursuing a trail gone cold he would keep hunting, keep searching, and keep succeeding more than a fair percentage of the time. I learnt about very many things because he was obsessed with them. Even as I found his endeavor more than a little quixotic I was often moved by his single-minded determination. And so when I knew that he was fast approaching his end I often wondered about how intolerable it must be for him to think that he would miss so many films that would release henceforth. The greatest tribute I can offer him is that he was probably more afraid of missing out in this sense and not being able to write on what he had seen, not being able to order what he had seen, far more than any obvious and completely natural fear of his end. Today I am not so sure that I was just friendly with him. Perhaps he was indeed a good friend for a time. Just in a different key and measure. In any case I have felt great sadness for a while regarding him.. of the kind one only feels for friends. I still have many of the emails he, I and Sam exchanged lying around in an inbox. I just read one where Sam first talked about him, introduced him in a sense before creating a common thread. It made me smile because I thought of everything that followed (!). And yes.. it made me mourn again..
Beautifully said.
Kaleem, of everyone I know, I’d say you had what was by and large the most complex relationship with Allan. First off, you met him on two occasions – once when he accompanied me up to your Westchester, New York home, and another time when we attended a film in Manhattan together. The first meeting also included a photo taken in my home. Yes there was fire in some of the WitD interchanges and yes Allan was uncompromising and tough to please, but you always had that remarkable degree of respect for his brilliance – you were the first as I recall to assert that his massive still-to-be-published tome bettered any work done by any film professional. Of course when he became ill you made uncountable inquires to me and were genuinely and deeply saddened as much as anyone with his demise. Allan may have had differences with you during our discussions, but he always thought you an incredibly brilliant writer and person and he was deeply moved by all your overtures in his behalf. Your candid admissions here are so deeply appreciated my friend. You will always be a significant chapter in Allan’s life and will continue to be a prominent one in mine great friend.
And yet again you have me in tears Sam. Such a heartfelt tribute to a special, irreplaceable friend. You leave me numbed.
Celeste, thanks so very much for those beautiful words my friend.
Very sad news, Sam. Allan was a tremendous enthusiast of world cinema, and his writing on film at Wonders in the Dark is among the finest I’ve read–sensible, intelligent and succinct. In particular I have him to thank for directing my attention during the decade countdowns of a few years back to many great films within my area of interest that I had missed. His eclectic knowledge and excellent judgment would have been exceptional even for a professional film writer, much less a dedicated amateur (that is, someone who did what he did for the sheer love of cinema).
So beautiful Richard. Wanted to let you know here that you were one of Allan’s absolute favorites. he referred to you affectionately as “Finchy” in e mails to me and he greatly respected your film knowledge, writing and gentlemanly demeanor. Thank you so much my friend.
I have only “known” Allan for a couple of years, and I never met him in person. Yet he feels like one of my closest and most treasured friends. We talked frequently about our passions. As you all know, he was tenacious, opinionated, and sometimes he would challenge me, but we would always eventually find common ground.
To the chagrin of my wife, he also helped me dispense with my earnings. He would occasionally recommend a certain Region B disc that would be up my alley, and even when it hurt my wallet, I always took him up on it. Every purchase was well worth it. He knew my tastes better than I did.
Even though I’ve been a cinephile for 25 years, nobody has mentored me like Allan did these last couple. That includes critics and college professors. I’ve met some bright people (all of the Wonders contributors included), but Allan was an unusual specimen of cinematic knowledge.
As it happens, I just started perusing his magnum opus over the weekend. It is a monumental work, and honestly, it will take years for me to consume it. Allan passed it on because that was his legacy, and he wanted to continue to spread his love and passion for film. Because of this book, he will continue to be my mentor for a long time to come. I take comfort knowing that people like me benefiting from the book was ultimately his last wish.
The elephant in the room is that Allan could be difficult. He could be aggressive, confrontation, dismissive, and sometimes irrational. He would admit as much. However, having seen that side of him a few times, far more often I saw the humble, respectful friend. The positives overwhelmed the negatives even if the turbulence sometimes left a mark (and frankly, some of that was a product of this terrible disease.)
I will miss Allan terribly. Like I said, we never met, but he has been a major presence in my life. Aside from the film discussions, he also was a tremendous voice of encouragement during my own physical issues. We joked that one day we would both be healthy enough to get a pint over in London. That day won’t come, but I’ll make sure to give him a few toasts during the years that I have left.
RIP, Allan, my friend.
Aaron, this candid, thorough and deeply moving account of Allan and all he has meant to you is one to cherish. Thanks so much for the moving tribute. priceless.
This few days since Allan’s departure were strange ones. I thought only someone very close would provoke such a deep sadness in me.
Cinema has been crucial to keep my relationship with life away from madness and reviewing how Allan changed and expanded my passion for cinema makes me smile with wonder.
Allan and Sam complemented each other amazingly, and I will always be thankful and dazzled by what they produced together.
Pedro, I can’t thank you enough for that. And yes Allan did move mountains in the cinematic sphere. Incomparable.
It’s a long time since I’ve been active in film blogland (not doing much work on my own for ages until recently, and haven’t regularly checked out other film blogs in years), but had to comment when I chanced upon the news. 43 is no age at all.
I didn’t know Allan except vaguely from this site, and I imagine we would’ve disagreed on many things, particularly the famous Top 3000 Films list and the contents/relative rankings thereof, and yet I can only admire the nerve and the self-confidence required (especially since I know I lack them myself) to create such a thing in the first place, not to mention the breadth of taste the finished product evinced. A hard loss.
James, thank you so much for this vital and accurate portrait and for your exceedingly kind words my friend.
Dear Sam and family. I feel like I have arrived from the deep woods to hear of the loss of our Allan Fish, days after your post. Somehow, this doesn’t change the rupture or intensity of the break and change in a known reality. I am deeply sorry for your loss, that of his family and our loss. Know that I am thinking of you!
Terrill, your lyrical eloquence has me tearing up my friend. Your support and compassion are deeply appreciated.
Sam, I just wanted to send a quick note to let you know that Allan and you have been in my thoughts since I first heard the news. I will be back in the coming weeks with other thoughts but nothing seems more important right now than acknowledging Allan and his passion that we were all able to derive tremendous enjoyment from and which none of us will ever be able to repay.
My heart goes out to you and your entire family.
Jeffrey, I can’t thank you enough for such passionate, heartfelt words. What you subsequently add there about his work as a gift to all cinephiles is so true. Man to man I salute you for your generosity of spirit and grief stricken integrity my great friend.
None of you know me on this site. Aside from Allan, I never made contact with anyone else despite frequenting the site for the better part of a decade. And even though, I am late in doing so, I would like to take this time to pay my respects and talk about Allan and how he changed my life.
I first discovered Wonders in the Dark around 2010, after looking up reviews of the film Sunrise which I had just seen. I was only 15 at the time, but had been a fan of cinema all my life. I read the posts regularly but never made any of my own. In a way, I idolized Allan and his writing ability. Allan described how reading Leslie Halliwell’s works in his youth had greatly broadened his perspective of cinema, and similarly Allan was broadening mine. In 2012, or thereabouts, Allan posted a review of Tomu Uchida’s Earth. Earth was a film I had been looking for for some time after having read about it in retrospectives of silent Japanese cinema. So I found Allan’s email mentioned in a post, and on a complete whim, I emailed him to ask about where I could find Earth.
I honestly didn’t expect a reply. My naivety was obvious in my email. But to my pleasant surprise, Allan replied and offered to mail me a copy of the film. What followed was several years of correspondence and over a thousand emails. Allan may be remembered for his knowledge of film, and surely that was the subject of many of our discussions,. However, many of our conversations concerned broader subjects. Allan was in many ways, a mentor for me, and somewhat of a father figure in my youth. With his support and advice, I improved my critical skills to the point of writing film reviews for my local newspaper. He even managed to help talk me through some of the most difficult times of my life.
Allan had a reputation on this site for dry humor, terse comebacks, and a more cerebral than emotional view of film and the world. To me though, he was a man of immense kindness. It is not often that a man in his late 30’s would willingly listen to a teenager on the other side of the world whom they had never met complain about their life and relationships. Allan would listen to me, offer advice, and was influential in my difficult period of transition from adolescent to adult. I like to think the father metaphor was mutual, Allan would say I would pass him in terms of film knowledge some day and in some respects, I felt that I was his protégé and this was the purpose of him teaching me about film writing.
In all, Allan sent me over 50 films and television series, spent hundreds of hours talking to me, and a significant amount of time teaching me to write and think like a film critic. In return, he received nothing at all but my gratitude. To say, Allan was an influential figure in my life would be an understatement and a disservice to his legacy in my life. Allan to my knowledge never had children and in some ways I feel our relationship was not all that different from a father-son relationship. During our 4 years of correspondence I grew from a teenager who admired his writing to an adult who appreciated his qualities as a mentor and a friend. It is not often that young people get to meet their idols. I was privileged to be able to and to even say we were friends. Rest in Peace, Allan. I will never forget what you did for me for the rest of my life. You affected the lives of many and your memory will live on in our hearts.
This is a beautiful tribute! Thank you so much for sharing. This was very much the Allan I knew. He also mentored me with a number of my projects, and vastly widened my film horizon, only in a little less time than you — perhaps a couple of years. Film was his world, and he considered it his legacy to impart his passions and tastes to others. If I happened to love an obscure film that he suggested, he was overjoyed.
Thank you again for sharing. I hope you’ll stay in touch with the Wonders community!